I haven’t written for months, and this will be my final blog post. Since I so openly discussed my obsession with Luka, I thought I would let you all know that I’ve ‘seen the light’. I no longer support Luka Magnotta, nor does he give me ‘warm fuzzy feelings’ anymore.
If you read my blog from the beginning, you witnessed the evolution of my feelings. I was very much aware from the start that this was not a natural way to feel and was searching for answers as to why I felt the way I did. I still don’t have those answers, but at least the feelings are gone now. In the beginning I was very much aware that Luka is a monster, but as I read more about him and spoke to other ‘fans’, I began to feel not just infatuation for Luka but deep sympathy as well. I felt bad for his childhood and the bullying he endured online. I felt sorry for him and thought that he deserved love and friendship that he never had. I wanted to be his friend, and thought that if enough people offered him love and support that the lost little boy inside him could be saved somehow. But still he wasn’t quite ‘real’, he was just some guy with tons of photos and blog posts online…and a legion of ‘fans’!
When Luka began writing people back, he suddenly became a very real person and I started to feel bad that I was blogging about him. I started to worry what he would think about what I wrote. I could no longer bring myself to write blog posts about this man who had written me a letter. Around this time, the culture of the Luka ‘fans’ changed significantly. People went from mostly being friendly with each other, to suddenly turning on each other. Everyone vying for a spot at the top of Luka’s ‘list’. Groups began to split up, people began blocking each other. People started demanding that people ‘unfriend’ other people by making up lies to convince people they were ‘bad people’. The whole culture became very toxic and unhealthy.
This is when I began to realize that there are a lot of seriously dysfunctional people in this strange corner of the internet, and that supporting Luka was getting to be a very unhealthy thing to do. I was very confused for a while; as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t just wilfully turn my feelings off, though they were fading. Then one day in the midst of the constant drama, something just clicked in my head; suddenly everything that all the detractors had been saying all along rang true in my mind. No matter what Luka has been through in his life, he does not deserve support!
Luka is not some little lost boy who can be saved. He chose this path. He is a liar and a manipulator and he willfully committed murder purely to gain attention and fame. Luka will never change! He will always be a shallow and vile human being. He is cold and empty inside and anything that people think they see inside him is purely manipulation on his part. He does not deserve support for his actions, in taking the lives of others he went from being a victim to being a predator. I started to feel sick to my stomach for ever supporting him, for giving him what he wanted. I thought about deleting this blog, but decided to leave it up as a record of my once obsession with Luka. Hybristophilia is a strange thing, it can happen to anyone and it can hit you out of nowhere. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Luka supporters who still find themselves embroiled in this culture may want to speak to a professional to work through their feelings.
If you feel conflicted about your support for Luka, step back from the other supporters, the culture, and try to think logically about the root causes of your need to support an individual who took a life and does not seem to want to own up to his actions. Luka made his own choices, and you can make your choices, too, to be healthy or to continue to support someone who does not care about you and likely never will. For me, I have chosen to redirect my support and sympathy to those who deserve it, in this case Jun Lin and his family.
RIP Jun Lin ♥
You may have noticed I recently changed the name of this blog to Luka Magnotta Dedication. This is mostly a reflection of my changing mental state regarding Luka. While this fascination with Luka may have started out as an obsession, I’ve recently come to realize it’s much more than that. At first I thought that I just needed to read all about Luka, write down some of my thoughts and feelings and the obsession would pass as most do. Then I actually started dreading the day that would happen. Now I’ve come to realize a few things that indicate to me that that just isn’t going to happen:
- Luka is so complex that it’s impossible to easily figure him out. Not to mention the fact he posted so much online. While to many Luka comes across as shallow, narcissistic and unintelligent, those who dig a little deeper see that he is much deeper, caring and intelligent than people give him credit for. Yet at the same time it’s quite clear he’s not “normal”. This drives me (and many others) to attempt to figure him out. Luka himself was always trying to figure out what was wrong him (as is evident from a number of posts he made). He has a lot of self-awareness, but his distrust of people seems to have prevented him from seeking help to the extent he needed it. I refuse to write him off as a lost cause, despite the fact he’ll likely be locked up for the rest of his life. I have hope that Luka will finally get the help he needs within the confines and regimented structure of the justice system now that he is being monitored to ensure he takes the medications he needs to remain stable and of sound mind.
- The more I learn about Luka, the more I genuinely support him and want to be his friend. Maybe Luka isn’t able to function in society, but despite that he deserves friends. I and many others I’ve spoken to wish we would’ve met Luka long ago. This is not obsession or infatuation talking. Many of us genuinely relate to things Luka has experienced in life. Many of us have difficulties connecting to people in real life, just as Luka seems to have, being a little odd and off-kilter. I’m quite certain a number of us would have connected to Luka had we met him. I’m quite certain that Luka could have had a happier life if he had made genuine connections, if not in person, at least online. He poured his heart out online, but none of us ever saw that, and the people who did could not see past the way he tried to build himself up out of insecurity.
- I’ve made great friends in the Luka community. I have never met such like-minded individuals in real life, and I’m not just talking about mutual support for Luka. I’m talking about similar thinking styles, intellect, personalities, and sense of humour. I think a lot of us find it easier to communicate online in writing than we do in person, just as Luka seems to have preferred. This allows us to discuss Luka on end with mutual understanding while feeding off each other’s thoughts and ideas.
I may not be blogging as much as I used to, but don’t expect my blogging to stop altogether anytime soon. There will always be new thoughts, new theories, and don’t forget the trial is yet to come…which will undoubtedly reveal new details.
Now that more information has been confirmed about writing to Luka, I thought it would be fitting to post some info for those interested in writing to him.
His current address is:
c/o Riviere des Prairies Detention Centre
11900 avenue Armand Chaput
For anyone wanting to contact the prison for information, the phone number is:
Tips for writing to Luka:
- He cannot receive photos. Don’t bother sending any, as he won’t receive them.
- He can receive cards. Find one that appeals to him to make your letter catch his eye. (He likes animal prints.)
- He cannot receive stamps or stamped envelopes, but if you want to help him pay for postage, you can send him a money order in his name.
- Include your return address on the outside of the envelope; otherwise, it may not pass screening.
- Don’t come across as a media person in anyway. Luka is very distrustful of the media!
- Don’t talk about the case.
- Be sincere and supportive.
- Compliment his appearance – The most important thing to him!
- Don’t include sexually explicit material or swear words…it will just get blacked out.
- Tell him how often you plan to write and hold yourself to it. These penpal relationships are all he has right now.
- Tell him about yourself so he knows who is writing to him. While I’m sure he loves to hear how great he is, he needs a frame reference so you’ll be memorable to him.
- Try to relate to him. Mention mutual interests and life experiences.
- Tell him little things you’ve done for him, or because of him.
- Remember he is a real person, not just a fantasy. Don’t talk like you know him just because you have a fantasy of him in your mind.
- Don’t expect a reply. He gets many letters and can’t reply to them all, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t appreciate your support.
This hasn’t been discussed much but it could be a pivotal element of the case. We know that a ‘tip’ led to the discovery of the head. With no accomplises or witnesses that we know of for certain it is likely that this tip came from Luka himself. But why would Luka give up this information? I venture a guess that it wasn’t for the proper reason of giving closure to Jun Lin’s family. It’s possible that Luka made some sort of deal in exchange for this disclosure. I can’t help but wonder what that deal could be? Certainly it’s not as good a deal as Karla Homolka got with Luka having apparently acted alone…unless of course “Manny” really is involved. Then again if “Manny” is involved then it’s possible that he’s the one who made a deal. It’s all speculation anyway, but just something I’ve been wondering about.
There was an interesting article in the news yesterday after Jun Lin’s funeral:
MONTREAL—It’s a word the mother of dismembered Chinese student Jun Lin never thought she’d associate with the man charged with murdering her son in brutal fashion.
Originally, sorrow and anger dominated Zhigui Du’s thoughts as she asked herself how such an appalling thing could happen to her son in a kind and peaceful country like Canada.
But as she laid her 33-year-old son to rest Thursday, Du said she has begun to feel sympathy on some level toward a man she calls the “devil.”
“Back then, I could only use ‘devil’ to describe the alleged murderer,” said Du, whose son’s gruesome murder captured worldwide attention.
“But later on, when I learned more about this suspect through different news sources, especially about his upbringing, I shockingly discovered my other self who has started to develop sympathy for this person described as ‘devil’.”
Du, who was too distraught to attend the funeral itself, made the remarks through an interpreter during a eulogy she gave at a later news conference.
Lin’s dismembered torso was found May 29 stuffed in a suitcase dumped outside a Montreal apartment building. Various body parts were found mailed to different parts of the country and in a Montreal park.
Luka Rocco Magnotta has pleaded not guilty to several charges in connection with Lin’s death, including a count of first-degree murder.
Any sympathy on Thursday was mixed with a healthy dose of grief and sadness as Lin’s family said their final farewells. They decided to bury their son’s remains in the land he loved and in the city he loved most.
In an emotional 30-minute ceremony, Lin’s father sobbed openly as he sat in the front row. Before the ceremony began, he entered the chamber and clutched his son’s urn, crying uncontrollably.
Father Henry Rodriguez, who presided over the funeral, called Lin a loving and considerate son who loved life. His life was ended by an “evil act.”
“We need to take this opportunity to turn this horrible situation into something positive that brings justice and peace back to this family and to society,” Rodriguez said.
“We cannot lose our faith and trust in human beings.”
Du looked back fondly on the day her son left China.
“When he left China and came to Canada to study, he wanted us to say goodbye with our smiles,” she said. “And today, I think it’s time to wipe our tears and see our son go with smiles on our face.”
She said it was “very difficult” to say goodbye to him.
“But I have been waiting for this day to come, because my son can finally rest in peace in the land that he loves.”
The family says they hope to establish a charity foundation in Lin’s honour that will help young people in distress. Du said it’s a way for the family to give back.
“We have received a lot of help and care from the people here and we want to return something back to this society, to help the youth in need, to help them find their way back to a loving home,” she said.
“Jun Lin has lived a short life, but I think his spirit can continue through this way.”
Lin’s family say they will stay in Montreal and attend court dates next spring, when Magnotta is scheduled to have a preliminary hearing.
A public memorial organized by the Montreal Chinese Alliance Church was held for Lin last Saturday. Various groups are helping to raise money to help Lin’s family stay in Montreal for the duration of the trial.
Concordia University, where Lin studied, has raised money for an award in his name. The university has raised $70,000 thus far.
As you can see, Jun Lin’s mother now (after learning more about Luka’s life) has sympathy for the man she originally only saw as the “devil”. This says a lot really. It was her son who was murdered and even she can see there’s another side to this. I can only hope that letting go of some of her anger will help in healing even a little bit of her pain.
May you rest in peace, Jun Lin.
Now, as mentioned in the title of this post, if the victim’s own mother can feel sympathy for her son’s killer, why can’t everyone? I have maintained all along that there is nothing inherently “wrong” with my sympathizing with Luka. I do not condone killing. But I can’t help but feel for Luka and everything he’s been through in his life. I do not for one second think his upbringing justifies his actions though, far from it, but it does give us a little window into possible reasons why. I think feeling sympathy for someone like Luka allows us to look at the mind of killer in a more thorough way without the veil of hate. I have never been able to do this with any other killer; frankly they just puzzle me because I can’t see beyond the veil. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to see Luka through sympathetic eyes. All the haters just can’t understand until they let go of the hate, as Jun Lin’s mother has now started to do. Certainly if Jun Lin’s mother has begun to sympathize anyone else can too…and if you can’t, well, stop reading my blog already!!
I also think it’s great that the Lin family has set up a fund to help children in distress. Hopefully this will help prevent at least one future tragedy of this nature!
Luka deserves sympathy and support as a fellow human being. <3
It makes me sad to think of Luka all alone in his little cell, being kept in isolation, no human contact, no one to talk. It’s hard to imagine the next 8 months being like that for him, let alone the rest of his life if he’s convicted. What a miserable existence. Suffering is worse than death.
Contrast Luka’s isolation with the community of supporters that has sprung up. It’s really interesting to watch the community grow and grow closer. Everyday new people find their way to the FB groups. Everyday we all grow a little closer. It’s inevitable when we spend hours each day conversing that we begin to share details of our real lives. We may have started out talking about Luka, and we still do of course, but we all relate to Luka’s life in some way and as we share these tidbits about ourselves we learn a little more about each other and we grow a little closer. There are a lot of people I have conversations with on a near daily basis now and I consider these people friends. These are friends I never would’ve met were it not for Luka. Luka has brought us together and created our community.
He created the community but he’ll never be a part of it. He’ll likely spend the rest of his life alone even though there are hundreds of us who would love to be his friends. It’s ironic and sad that this stark contrast exists.
Happy 30th Birthday Luka!
All your supporters are celebrating with you “in spirit”. We have online chats arranged with plans to watch all your videos together (no, not THAT one!) I’m sure we’ll also listen to all your favourite songs. OK, so we pretty much do this already everyday, but we’ll find a way to make it extra special. I hope you get more birthday cards than you ever have!! You deserve it!
I know turning 30 must be tough for you and it might even be part of what pushed you over the edge. But know this Luka, you look great for your age! And age doesn’t matter anyway, it’s just a number; it’s what’s inside that counts. Everyone who supports you knows that deep inside of you is a good person. I truly hope you will see a birthday outside of prison walls again someday!
Happy Birthday Luka!
I made a previous post insisting we call you Luka. You chose the name, not only as an online persona, but legally as well. I personally love the way the name Luka sounds; it has a nice ring to it, it flows so nicely off the tongue. It’s also fairly uncommon and the androgynous nature of the name Luka suits your image so well.
But that’s just it, isn’t it? It really is just an image, the way you wanted the world to see you. The way you wanted to see yourself even. It is this image that so many of us became attracted to and fascinated by in the first place, just like you always wanted.
Only there’s more to the story than Luka the jet-setting model and porn star. The more digging we do into your vast online presence, the more we discover about your past. A picture emerges of a damaged little boy who got lost along the way to what could have been great things. That boy is Eric, not Luka. Eric Clinton Newman, the eldest child, born to teen parents, bounced around, never really belonging. Eric who became troubled, displaying signs of mental illness at a young age and who was medicated as a result. Eric who was bullied in school. Eric who was kicked out on his own at 16. This is the boy we have all come to sympathize with, Eric, not Luka.
While I still don’t like when people call you Eric out of spite, I’m beginning to understand those who do it because they want to know the real you.
After all the hateful emails, comments and Facebook messages I’ve received over this blog and my support for Luka, I realized it’s really not that big a deal to talk openly about Luka in real life. I’ve pretty much been called every name in the book online now and realized that I can take it. I believe in what I believe in and insults aren’t going to change that. Besides, people in real life aren’t nearly as nasty as people online without a computer screen to hide behind.
My Friday night started out with drinks with my husband and one of our friends, “Bob”. It wasn’t long before I decided to tell Bob about the online community I have recently become a part of. While my husband has gone back and forth in his feelings for what I’m doing, before finally accepting that there’s really nothing wrong with chatting online with people with similar interests, Bob didn’t seem fazed in the least. Right away he said “Yeah, I get it. You feel bad for everything that boy went through that could have led him to such a horrendous crime. You need to talk to people who feel the same.” I was a little taken aback with how little explanation it took on my part to have my feelings and actions accepted by a friend. I think I’ve gotten used to the vitriolic responses of those “on the outside”.
Since my disclosure to Bob went so well I decided to keep it going for the rest of the night… every opportunity I had. Next was a friend of Bob’s, “Willie”, who stopped by for a bit. I’d never met Willie before, but I felt like there was really nothing to lose. Willie reacted in much the same way as Bob had, except he was interested in getting into a discussion into the possible psychology of Luka, despite Willie’s quite clear opinion that Luka is a “lost cause”. Willie was cool. He could tell that I’m a highly intelligent person and that this isn’t just some shallow obsession I have.
Over the course of the night I discussed this with no less than seven guys. (Yes, I tend to hang out with the boys, another reason it’s odd for me to be spending so much time online talking with mostly girls.) A few didn’t have much of an opinion. Some just shrugged their shoulders, others looked a little wide-eyed and bewildered.
I only got into an argument with one guy, and I do like to argue. He was a very young bartender we recruited to hang out with us at the end of his shift. His name was Rocco (no lie). Rocco was absolutely appalled that anyone could support Luka. Rocco is the kind of guy who doesn’t even watch horror movies because he doesn’t agree with violence even if it’s not real. Rocco took major issue with the fact the video showed necrophilia. He strongly believed that any form of rape is wrong. I really couldn’t disagree with many of Rocco’s arguments. One thing that made me laugh though was when Rocco said that he was mad that Luka stole his name as a middle name and has essentially dragged the name through the mud.
Then Rocco said something that made me think less of him and his arguments. Rocco is part of “Anonymous”. I gave him shit. Hackers and Trolls are part of the lowest scum of humanity. He saw nothing wrong with what he does. I told him that people like him might very well be the reason that Luka was pushed to the point he was. He still insisted it was harmless fun. I insisted that he is an example of what is wrong with today’s society and people not caring for their fellow-man.
All in all, it was interesting to discuss Luka with a variety of people in real life. Seeing people’s facial expressions, as they react to the fact that Luka has supporters, was priceless.
Jun Lin’s mother said “We still believe that most people here are very kind, but this heinous crime happened in Canada. It’s made me reconsider what kind of place this is,” and she said that Jun Lin saw Canada as “a peaceful place with great respect for multiculturalism.” These words really made me think.
Canadians are known to be among the nicest people in the world. Canadians are kind, caring and polite. If you bump into us or step on our foot, WE apologize! This is true for most fellow Canadians I know. Canadians can travel the world with the Maple Leaf Flag sown proudly on our backpacks. Not only that but Canada is a highly sought after place to live for people looking to move away from other countries. A land of opportunity, a place they can come and maintain their cultural identity. Unlike the melting pot of the US, in Canada we celebrate our differences. We are happy to have diverse communities and circles of friends.
But there is a flip side to this, a darker side. Because we celebrate cultural identity so much, some of us are left out. As a Canadian whose family has been in this country for many many generations, my ancestral roots are all but gone. It matters not what European country my ancestors came from, as I do not identify as European. Like most Canadians, the closest identity I can relate to is American, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a Canadian waving the Star-Spangled Banner. We’ll take your music, movies, and TV shows thanks, but you can keep your “culture of fear” (Michael Moore).
You see places like Chinatown and Little Italy and although Canadians accept everyone into our communities, these people have a second close knit community to be a part of. People like me and Luka do not. It’s somewhat alienating at times. It’s obvious that Luka also experienced this, given his attempts to identify himself as Russian and Italian, for example. We would love to have a culture to proudly celebrate outside of maple syrup, Beaver Tails and poutine! Food is not an identity; it’s only a part of what makes up a culture. We Canadians have no traditional national attire, no dance. Even our own music and TV is very much like the Americans’, but with a special brand of dry Canadian humour thrown in. This is where I think French-Canadians are better off and is possibly why Luka moved to Montreal in the first place.
Take somone with the obvious identity issues that Luka has and compound this with living in a multicultural society as a member lacking a cultural identity and I can’t help but wonder if “Canada” is part of the problem in a roundabout way. Now before you start going off on me for justifying what Luka allegedly did, please see that’s not what I’m doing, nor am I saying that this is bound to happen to many other non-descript white Canadians. What I am saying is that this could be a part of what’s wrong with our society. After all, how many other Canadian killers belong to this same group of “average white Canadians”?…Russell Williams, Robert Pickton, Paul Bernardo, Karla Homolka, Michael Rafferty, to name a few. It seems to me that there’s a possibility for this problem to cause much more serious disconnects than just racism.
Dear Mrs. Du and Mr. Lin, racism did not kill your son, but “Canada” might be partially to blame, and for that we’re all terribly sorry. While it is tragically too late for Jun Lin, I hope it’s not too late for our society to change. Maybe if people stopped looking at this as the psychotic break of an inhuman monster, and realized that we all and our society are partially to blame, we could prevent future atrocities. Sadly, the way we’re going now, it seems like tragedies like this one will continue to occur, while we sit back blaming the perpetrators instead of trying to fix the circumstances that create the monsters among us. Jun Lin’s mother’s view of Canada has been shattered; if only Canadians could see it the same.
RIP Jun Lin