The duality of Luka
The following is the point I’ve been trying to get across to reporters who ask about my “school girl crush” on Luka. It’s hard when all they want to ask is: “But you know this guy cut someone up, and now you’re giving him exactly what he wants?”…That question misses the point, and here’s why:
The “school girl crush” is only one side of this! There’s a strange duality to Luka. On the one hand, we have the image he created for himself of the confident, successful, jet-setting model. This is the person he projects in his photos. Something about Luka’s face makes me warm and fuzzy, I don’t deny that, but there’s so much more it! It’s actually pretty strange for me to feel this way; I can’t remember one other time I’ve become infatuated with someone’s appearance.
But then there’s the darker, more complex side of Luka. I’m not just talking about the actual crime he allegedly committed, because that’s just the culmination of everything. I’m talking about his life and who he is inside. He is tremendously fascinating! This is the part that keeps me interested. If it was just about a pretty face, I would have been over him in an hour I’m sure!
There’s so much information about him that he put out there himself. It is interesting to try to put the pieces together, to figure out what could’ve potentially made him snap the way he allegedly did. The more I read, the more I feel empathy for this lost little boy! That’s how I see him. It makes me terribly sad to think that no one was there for him apparently.
I’m aware that there is some cognitive dissonance involved in supporting Luka the way I do. It’s just impossible to reconcile the beauty and the beast within him. On the one hand, I adore this image he has created for himself, even though I’m fully aware it’s not real. As has been pointed out, his surgically altered face is not even real, but this just doesn’t make him any less attractive.
On the other hand is a lost boy who allegedly committed a heinous crime and it appears that the reason for such may not have been some psychopathic urge, but rather and even more so a slap in the face to society! I don’t believe he enjoyed the things he allegedly did in that video. To me it seems like he may just have been going through the motions for shock value. There’s a recording of Luka’s voice where he is getting upset about a family guy episode. He discusses how sick and twisted necrophilia is. I honestly believe that is how he truly feels, like 99.9% of the rest of us. If he is guilty, I can only imagine that he was rebelling back against a society that was so cruel to him and ignored his cries for help for so long! He is just extremely confused and had too many wrongs committed against him.
People forget that Luka is a victim too! A victim of society and of a poor upbringing that likely left him with many disorders! This is why I (and many others I know of) have such strong empathy for Luka. It’s makes me sad for him and sad for society. I like to balance out this sadness with a little Luka fantasy “crush” (no harm in that), but in all honesty it’s the person inside him that absolutely fascinates me. I feel a strong need to know him, to be his friend, to provide some comfort that he never had.
Although I wouldn’t be surprised if he hated me. I’m not simply fawning over him; I’m trying to see the whole picture. And as much as he seems to have cried out for help with all his years and years of postings, I’m not sure he wants to be so exposed, for us to see the different sides as all belonging to him. He worked so hard on his image and that is no doubt what he wants people to see, what he wants people to love him for. I wonder if he would be embarrassed that so many of his sock-puppet accounts have been revealed, that everyone now knows that he was his own biggest fan. Or is it enough for him to know that he actually has real fans and supporters now, by the hundreds? I wonder if we’ll ever know.