The moment I knew my obsession was evolving into something deeper (More Luka empathy)
Fascination by the case came first. Infatuation with Luka came next. But it’s so much more than either of those things now. I truly feel for Luka now. I support him and believe in his right to be helped through his issues. I feel such strong empathy for Luka. There’s a moment in particular a few weeks ago when I realized this wasn’t just some “school girl crush”, nor just a passing fascination.
We’ve all seen Luka’s mugshot (above). Some have argued that it’s not the one taken in Berlin, that it’s from Luka’s fraud charges. Some have insisted it most certainly is from his arrest in Berlin. But no one disagrees that it’s not the most flattering shot of Luka, by far it’s not. The moment I realized my obsession had evolved was when I looked at that mugshot and I appreciated it as much as any other photo of Luka, if not more so. It’s all him, and I want to know all of him! The good, the bad, the ugly, the hurt, what makes him tick, who he is inside. I realized how very real this photo is in comparison to most others, the true Luka, and that makes it beautiful and special!
This happened the night Luka returned to Canada. After studying the footage of his disembarkation frame by frame and taking screenshots, I realized this was the first “real” video footage of Luka. No makeup. Not in front of the camera by choice. He didn’t even seem like the same person I’d been studying for weeks. Gone was the love of the camera, gone was the act. Before us was a troubled boy, so helpless, so small and easily man-handled by his keepers. I just couldn’t look away. And then I looked at his mugshot, and realized that this had been a moment of truth for him. You can see it in his eyes. He looks like he’s had some realization that his life has been forever changed. There is always intensity in Luka’s eyes, but in this photo it’s a different kind of intensity.
Mugshot Luka, Mirabel Airport Luka, this is the Luka I would expect to get should I ever have the chance to meet him, and I’m more than OK with that.