Crying for Luka
This is something I’ve been doing more and more of as the weeks go on. The first time I cried for Luka, it took me somewhat by surprise. It was after viewing the video of his disembarkation from the plane that brought him back from Germany. Suddenly it hit me how very sad this is for him; the tears started rolling down my face and I started sobbing heavily. How awful it must feel to be 29 years old and know that you will likely be locked away for the rest of your life, to be lead shackled and handcuffed, to no longer have any control over your own life. What makes it even more sad is that it almost seems like this is what he wanted. Between promoting the 1 Lunatic 1 Ice Pick video, sending body parts through the mail and simply saying “OK you got me” when found, it’s like this was all a part of his plan. But why??? I’m torn with the why. It’s impossible to understand why someone would sabotage their life this way. Does he hate himself that much? It all just makes me so sad.
I think about him being locked away in a tiny cell like Bernardo for 23 hours a day, day after day, year after year, endlessly. It’s such a depressing thought. I think about all the happy people in the world free to enjoy the beauty of the outdoors, and the contrast to Luka sitting all alone in a tiny cell. I cry some more.
I think about Luka’s life. Right from the beginning he was doomed. His mother was so ashamed of his existence in her teenage life that she apparently didn’t tell her family about him until he was 5 years old! Talk about rejection! Imagine how it would feel to know that your own mother was ashamed of you as a small child. Then being bounced back and forth between parents and grandparents, never belonging anywhere. Eventually being kicked out at 16 over his sexuality. I cry over so many aspects of Luka’s upbringing.
Last night something really hit me hard. I was discussing Luka’s possible child with someone. It really does seem like it’s possible that he had a child at some point. There are so many photos of him with a baby, and his sister (and the rest of his family) is said to have disowned him years ago. It’s possible that the blond girl in photos that people assume to be his sister is in fact the mother of his child. The child may have died (as Luka indicated in some posts and YouTube video) or maybe the mother kept the child away from him. In either case, this would be a significant loss for Luka, who has only ever wanted love. He looks so caring in all the photos of him with the baby.
This video is what really made me cry. I’m just so sad, devastated really, for the life that Luka could have had, a normal life with a loving family and a child, and the contrast to the life of lonliness he ended up with, and now the ultimate lonliness of being locked away in a tiny cell.